It’s your life. What’s keeping you from really living?
What is one thing that is holding you back from accomplishing your dreams? I bet if the majority of people today were to write out an honest list of the things that keep them stuck where they area almost every one would include the fear of what others think of them or the fear of what others may think. I talk to so many people who are on their heath and fitness journey or just starting their Coaching career and they are letting this fear hold them back from going all in on something that they really want. If there is one thing I have learned it is that people will judge us no matter what we do in life, so we might as well spend our time doing the things that are important to us. I know that it can be really tough to move past what other people think and into the light of what you really want, there is risk in it. When we do things that are outside of the norm, either societal norms or the norms of our behavior, people are going to get uncomfortable with it and thus act defensively or critical about it. By you challenging your standards and working to make changes in your life, this is going to make people question what they are doing (or not doing) and they may take it out on you. This may take the form of being negative about your endeavor, being critical of you and your actions, or outright sabotaging you. This has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with them. The question is, why do you care what they think anyway? We are only on this planet once so it is VITAL that we spend our time doing the things that are meaningful to us. There is not time or room to be affected by what others think or say about it. In my opinion we care too much about what others think of us because that is what we are conditioned to do. We are conditioned to want to fit in and to not rock the boat. When it comes to our families and friends we just want them to like us and support us. Many people are very challenged by the fact that what they truly want to do may cause some of the people in their lives to look down on them or even leave them. Again, this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. So just stop caring about what other people think of you. Easy right? Probably easier said than done, especially if those people are close to you. So, I wanted to give you some tips that I know help me not be affected by what others think and allow me to live my purpose.
1. Know where you are going and WHY —
This is something that you have to reconcile inside you. If you do not know where you are headed, you will end up somewhere else. This means that you must have an outcome in mind and it has to be something that gets you excited. If it is health and fitness and you are just starting out you may face resistance from those around you, you may face outright hostility or in some cases sabotage. EX: It is sabotage to order a pizza and eat it in front of you when you are on a meal plan. So HOW do you overcome this and accomplish your objective? You create a compelling future for yourself. You design that dream body and create a vision of what your health looks like, what you relationships look like, what your life looks like and you do not let anyone shrink that. You create that vision so that you have a clear picture of what you want and why you are doing what you are doing so that you can just block out the nonsense and move towards your objective. Having a clear vision allows you to focus more on you and what YOU want and it will help give you the fortitude to push forward towards the future! The body, health, skin, hair..whatever that YOU want no matter what. That is, as long as the future you create is compelling enough to drive YOU.
2. Be confident in who you are and who you are becoming —
Use your internal compass. Do what feels right to you and have confidence in your intuition. We already know what is best for us if we are willing to listen. This is much like creating a compelling vision for your future but it is specifically about how you want to feel, act, and be. Who are you? Are you someone who can be pushed around by others? Are you someone who lets what others think dictate how you will live your life? What do you STAND for? Who do you want to become in your life? These are things that you have to decide for yourself and when you do, when you find what really defines you, what you really stand for, you will be unstoppable. If we are confident in who we are and where we are going then what other people think is of no consequence to us. If we are weak in our convictions and self-image then we let others define not only what we can do but who we are. It takes courage to do what we want to do in life and it takes courage to change. Decide who you want to be and start being that person.
3. Stand up for yourself. —
I am always shocked at what other people allow their friends, families, and even strangers to say or do to them. Draw a line in the sand and tell the people in your life about what is acceptable to you. CHOOSE YOU DUDE!! The line you draw is what you stand for and will allow in your life. BOUNDARIES are helpful and they are necessary. If you want to be happy you must have boundaries and you have to hold people to your boundaries. No one has the right to say anything that demeans you or what you are doing, even if it is your mother, father, or spouse, they do not have the right. Stand up for yourself and demand support from those around you, just as you are willing to give your support to them. You get what you tolerate so if you tolerate people treating you like shit, then they will keep doing it. You probably already know what relationships in your life are positive and which are not. Again, it takes courage to change but when you start to raise your standards and change what you allow people to say and do to you then your whole life will change and the way that you view yourself will change.
4. Find a new group of people to support you and cut ties to the ones who don’t.
So you stood up for yourself and some of the people in your life made the change and are supporting you on your endeavors and have stopped saying hurtful things to you. The others have to go. If they aren’t on your team then you are no longer on theirs. It’s time for them to get off the bus. BYE! Create your distance and start building a new community. Join a challenge group online to get healthy and surround yourself with people who are on the same road as you. Go to a running club or start a new sport. Find a new crew that is supportive of you and moving in the direction you want to go. Whatever you do, do not give up! Friendship takes TIME.
5. Do things that scare you regularly.
CHALLENGE! We are built for it. We are made to overcome. How do we grow if we don’t challenge ourselves? If we read something that teaches us something new how do we know if it actually works if we do not put it into practice and experience it for ourselves? The reason I say to do something that scares you regularly is that I try to do something that challenges me every day! Why? Because it builds confidence! If we are constantly showing ourselves that we are capable of more than we previously thought then we are able to show ourselves that we are limitless, through our actual experience and not just our unfounded and untested belief. We have proven that we can continually grow and change and that is powerful and empowering. Overcoming constant fear and discomfort will build a resilience that will carry you through so much and it will give you the hard-won confidence to go your own way and build your future.
BONUS!!! Flip the switch, if you can’ then you must OR if they say you cannot then do it out just because they say it cannot be done.
This is not for everyone, it comes down to what motivates you. I am of the mindset that if someone tells me I can’t do something then it is definitely happening. I will go to the ends of the earth to prove them wrong. In fact, I used what others thought of me or even said about me as a powerful driver early on in my health, fitness, and business. You can go as far as writing down a list of people you are proving wrong and let it light a fire under you. Let the list or person drive you to do the extra things you do not want to do or to push on when you do not want to. Tony Robbins says it like this,”If you can’t then you must.”